Mary Sue in MiddleEarth
by That Rabid Fangirl
Summary: When perfect Mary Sue is transported to Middle-Earth via "oregano" and a borrowed copy of The Fellowship of The Ring, she discovers a power within herself... oh stuff it, this is a Parody Sue fic.
1. A Girl Named Mary Sue

**A/N: **Ok, yes, I know this is short. But it's a _starter_ chapter. Nothing even happens. I'm bored of it, so it's short. Things should get rolling in Chapter 2.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lord of the Rings. Duh.

It was just a normal day. Or so Mary thought. Little did she know that things were going to turn out very differently to what she expected…

"Oh, Maaaryyy!" her mother called from downstairs. "Breakfast is ready!"  
Mary hopped out of bed and dashed down the stairs. Her mother had already set the table, and a pile of steaming pancakes cooked to perfection sat in the middle. Everything was perfect in the Sue household.  
Mrs Sue served her some pancakes and passed the maple syrup.  
"Thankyou, mum!" Mary cried, daintily spearing a segment of pancake. "Mm-mm, this is the best yet!"  
"Thankyou, dear. I do try my best," the woman said, giving her daughter a hug. "Now, run off to school."  
"Ok, mum!" Mary chirped, grabbing her bag and darting out the door.  
Mrs Sue began to gather up the plates with a chuckle. "That Mary…" she sighed proudly.

Mary was the most popular girl at school. As she walked in the gates, she was greeted by choruses of hellos.  
"Hi everyone!" she said, smiling.

Then she saw the school bully, Jerry Joe, beating up poor little Tommy Hill. She sprinted over to them (she was the fastest runner in the whole district) and pushed them apart.  
"_Jerry Joe_! I'm ashamed of you!"  
He hung his head. "Sorry, Mary."  
"Go away, now," she said, and he ran, cowering.  
"Tommy, are you ok?" she asked, helping the said individual to his feet.  
"Yeah, great, thanks Mary," he replied, looking at her beautiful blue eyes, her milky white skin, and her soft golden hair.  
"Well, that's good."  
"Yeah… oh, gotta run!"  
He tore off, Mary watching him. Then she noticed a book, lying on the gound.  
"Oh, Tommy, wait, you forgot your -" she scanned the title "- Fellowship of the Ring book!"  
But if he heard or not, he continued running. Mary, who of course was an excellent reader, decided to have a look at it before returning it. Little did she know what would happen to her when she did…

When she got home, Mary went straight to her room with her book. Well, Tommy's book, but who here is splitting hairs?  
She opened it and dove straight in. After a few minutes, she was done.  
"Mary, dinner," her mother called, conveniently.  
Mary hopped down the stairs to the kitchen, where her father was sitting reading a newspaper and her little brother was playing with toy trucks, despite the fact that he had just turned 14.

"Hi daddy, hi Gary," she said, cheerfully.  
"Hi Mary," they said as one.

"What's for dinner?" she asked, taking her seat at the table.

"Well, roast beef, but for my special girl, a special new spice!"  
Mary made a face. "I only like bland food."  
"You **what**?" the family screeched, turning to her.  
"Only joking," Mary laughed.  
They all laughed heartily.  
Mary's mother took out the glowing blue jar and tipped some silvery powder on her daughter's dish, fully unaware of what it was.  
"What spice _is_ it, mum?" Mary asked.

"Oregano," the woman replied.  
"Yum, thanks!"  
The meal started without further ado. Mary began to feel strangely sleepy, but said nothing of it until the washing up was done and she'd eaten her mother's home-baked apple crumble. The family was retiring to the TV room when Mary excused herself, ran up the stairs and went to bed (well, she also brushed her teeth and her hair before that). The last thing she saw before she slipped into a dark, dreamless sleep was Tommy's book, sitting on her bedside table next to her glass of water…


	2. A Helping Hand

**A/N: **Keeping characters in character is boring. Oh, and thanks to everybody who has already decided to follow it, and review… cheers! Remember, R&R!**  
Disclaimer: **Yup, I TOTALLY own EVERYTHING in this ENTIRE story. Did I mention that I'm Father Christmas? –holds up 'sarcasm' sign-

"Mum? Why didn't my alarm go off? Where am I?"  
These were the first things Mary said as she awoke on hard ground. Around her were the sounds of birds waking up and small animals in their burrows.  
"What on earth?" she asked, getting up, only to throw herself down again as hoofbeats echoed through the woods. Then it hit her.  
"Oh my! I'm in Middle Earth!"  
She then sat down again under the shade of a tree, and promptly fell asleep.

"What is that?"  
"I don't know… I haven't seen one before."  
"Call yourself a Ranger?"  
"Shut up, shorty."  
"Maybe we should poke it with a stick…"  
"I'LL TAKE THE THING'S HEAD OFF!!"  
"No… hey, maybe it's magic!"  
"I'm telling you, it isn't magic. The only other magic ones are blue and dead."  
"Poke it with your bow, Lego."  
"Don't call me that."

The thing groaned and sat up.  
"Oh, it's a Man-girl! I couldn't tell for all the hair," Merry said happily.  
"It looks like a rug," Boromir muttered.  
The Company nodded.  
"What should we do with it?" Pippin asked, peeking out from behind Aragorn.  
As they spoke, the Thing stood and made a horrible retching noise. Everyone took a big step back.

Mary coughed politely and daintily, and amazed at the fact that her hair had stayed perfect since last night.  
"Hello everybody! My name is Mary Sue," she said, calmly and clearly. "Did I hear a Black Rider before?"

"HrllembdymnmesusmurrysuOMGbrridger??!!!!1"  
The Company stood, horrified at the lack of ability to hold down a Shift key while she was speaking. The Thing stood before them, slightly pudgy and very puzzling.  
"Psst… Lego, speak to it!" Gandalf hissed.  
Legolas looked a little nervous, but cleared his throat and said, slowly, like he was talking to an idiot, "Hello… my… name…. is…. not… Lego…. who… are…. you?"

Mary looked up gracefully at the tall elf. He stood awkwardly, obviously stunned by her beauty, much like Tommy. She ran a hand through the wave of her hair and smiled at him winningly.

"Mary Sue is my name," she said. "How are you?"

He looked at her curiously and repeated her name.  
"Mary… Sue? What kind of name is that?" he mumbled.  
"It's my name," she replied, full of wit.  
The assorted Company chucked.

Sam swallowed bile, croakily.  
"Uh, Mr Frodo, can we get going? If you follow, this doesn't sit right with me," he said.  
Frodo looked straight ahead, but nodded. "One moment."

"What should we do with this… this Mary Sue?" Boromir asked cautiously.

Gandalf hmmed and ahhhed into his beard. He'd never come across something so strange, or indeed so obviously self-obsessed, before. It was a strange case, he knew, and he would have to tread carefully.

"I can come with you wherever you're going I'm a black belt in jujitsu and I'm really good and smart and pretty!!" she blurted.

"Hmmm… huddle!"  
The Fellowship gathered around in a circle, excluding the strange child from their thoughts.

Mary sat herself down gracefully. Her nine companions were obviously discussing her. She smiled happily to herself, and suddenly took up a stick. Going through the moves she had learnt as a child, she chopped off the heads of thousands of imaginary orcs.

Aragorn looked over his shoulder at the dumpy girl waving a stick around.

"She's not 100%... there," he hissed.  
"A few roos loose in the top paddock?" Merry supplied.  
"Yeah… look."  
They all turned to see her screeching and whipping the stick around, only to smack herself in the back of the head.  
"Killed all the orcs," she said, smiling and satisfied.  
"You _see_?" the Ranger whispered. "She's seeing orcs!"  
Frodo, after carefully checking Sting just in case, nodded his agreement. "So what do we do?"  
No sooner had the words left his mouth when Mary Sue came running up, stumbling.  
"Thanks SO MUCH for taking me, guys. I'll protect you, I promise," she mumbled.  
"Uh… what?" Gandalf said.  
"Well, OBVIOUSLY I'm coming with you."

The gratitude of the Fellowship was obvious. Mary Sue smiled. She knew her part. She was here to protect them from orcs, Black Riders, and stray elves.  
"Shall we get going?" she asked, and then trotted off.

They all sprinted to catch up with her. Aragorn, puffing, got his sharp sword to show her. He fumbled and almost dropped it, obviously trying to impress her with some trick. Funny, she hadn't wanted a haircut that went only to her neck. Still, she supposed it was some sort of initiation thing.  
"I'm honoured," she smiled.

"Come again?" Aragorn asked, nursing a sore thumb from where Gandalf had whacked him to stop him from beheading Mary.  
"M'honoured."  
"She's _honoured_," Pippin hissed.  
"Yeah, I know that, but why?" Aragorn sighed.  
"I'm honoured because you initiated me!" the girl said, with a too-broad grin. "Into the Fellowsip!"  
"Fellow_ship_," Frodo corrected. "_Ship_."

Well, Mary thought, the hobbit is obviously deranged. She had spoken clearly (as always). Maybe he had a hearing problem? Still, Mary accepted all kinds of different people.

"**ARE YOU DEAF?!"** she screeched into his ear. **"FRO?"**  
"Frodo," he muttered, wiping spit out of his ear. "Never, ever, call me Fro again."  
"Ok!" she laughed.  
The girl was obviously mental. There was no question. While she skipped ahead to admire some trees or something, he whispered in Gandalf's ear. The wizard nodded and straightened up.  
"Aragorn! Set a course for the _mountain_ way instead!" he cried.  
"Huh? Why?"  
"Because that way we can… no, the snow and cold can… push Mary Sue off a cliff…" he said, lowering his voice to a hiss.

"Oooh… ok! Will do," Aragorn cheered happily. "Hey everybody! We're not going on the safe, nice, green valley way! We're taking the cold, evil mountain way instead!"

Mary Sue heard the cries of worry behind her. She stopped her information-gathering from the trees, and trotted over on her toes.

"If you're worried about the cold and frostbite, never fear!" she trilled. "I have a special power I haven't yet told you about – I can control the elements."

The assorted Fellowship stared at her, various eyebrows raised.  
"You… control the elements?" Boromir finally asked slowly.

"Oh yus," she said. "I'm magic!"  
"… please don't tell me you're a blood-bender too."

The Company with cable TV shuddered, thinking of the annoyingly perfect water-bender on a certain show.  
"Hmm… probably!!" Mary Sue said, finally.  
"Good luck with that. Now, shall we?" Aragorn said.

Mary led the way, as she was now the leader of the Fellowship. She'd memorised all the maps in her book. She had the advantage here.  
"Come on, everyone! Don't make me come back there!" she laughed, running ahead. "We've places to go!"


End file.
